They often say in my tribal language “20 friends cannot stay together (be friends) for 20 years” It took me indeed a couple years to understand what this means.

First off, let me start by saying it is not impossible for 20 friends to stay together as friends for 20 years but that is hinging on a lot of factors. If we are literally and figuratively interpreting this adage, one thing comes to mind how are 20 people friends? Now, I do not mean classmate or associates etc., I mean real friends who each consider themselves as friends. If there are indeed 20 close friends then we may jump into other factors which involves majorly behavioural disposition and life circumstances such as death.

Having established the above, we may now move on to the figurative interpretation of the adage. Friends over the years are likely to fall out or detach from themselves for many reasons and this reasons are linked to behavioural disposition. 

As we grow, we each begin to face our timelines at a God given time. We may know what is next in line to do, based on societal expectations however, the reality of it sometimes might be beyond us. As children, we understood that we need to go through the ranks of the school system. We know what to expect since it is a structured system but LIFE does not follow the same rules. And as life is not structured that tends to bring some misalignment in lifes’ journey. Friends who are of the same age may have life events happen at different points of life leading to change(s) in lifestyle and experiences. This sometimes could break a friendship or cause some level of disconnection as both parties are not necessarily attuned to the same lifestyle or experience. This could also lead to the formation of a possibly strong relationship depending on the personality of the parties involved.

Now, let’s throw in other factors such as distance and personality. We don’t talk enough about how migration affects relationships even between married couples. It does have a huge impact on friends as it adds to a change in the relationship dynamics causing a possible strain or disconnection however, little it might be and then the personality of the individuals involved reveals what the outcome of the relationship might be. Perhaps, a once in a while catch up on life activities to keep in touch or a complete breakdown of the relationship.

Furthermore, let’s consider the role of weather. Yes! Weather! For folks living abroad this is a factor that might break a relationship. For homebodies like myself, it becomes increasingly difficult to dress up even casually to go out. You really just want to be indoors and somehow that’s beginning to affect one’s socialization as “social battery” becomes a thing. Now there are times you would rather be at home alone or with your family enjoying your company with no desire to entertain anyone. This could ultimately break a relationship depending on the personalities involved 

Livelihood! What you do professionally or personally could also be a relationship spoiler. You don’t have time and or you are deeply invested in your work you may want to consider your friendship relationship at the brink of its end. Likewise, this might birth a new relationship with folks going through the same experience.

The truth is adult friendships is harder to keep especially with how we are more virtual than in person. We are all around the world courtesy of migration and the world truly being a global community. What was once our lived experiences is now shifting and forming a new reality. Inspite of how difficult it is to stay truly connected we may need to be more intentional about our relationships. Being there for those we have grown with, shared moments with and begin to rediscover ourselves amidst the knowledge and experiences of the past and the present to form a beautiful future.

It is beautiful to form new friendships it is equally beautiful to sustain healthy good relationship of our childhood to reflect on how far we have come and revel in the joys of now and the future.

Cheers to healthy long lasting intentional friendships🥂

Written from the desk of Mary Elebijo